"I mean, The Flash is actually managing to do moderately well,
despite the fact that it is appallingly bad."
- George RR Martin, circa 1990
Welcome to Grudgement Day, where I call Bullshit on things I just think are Bullshit. People sometimes think I have an anger issue but I don't. I just have a critically low tolerance for Bullshit. Today, let's talk about Game of Thrones author George RR Martin. In the 80's and 90's, Martin was working in television on shows like The Twilight Zone, Max Headroom and Beauty and The Beast. While trying to prep a super hero centric show, he made the above disparaging remark about CBS' big budget adaptation of DC Comics' The Flash. Now, everyone is entitled to their opinion and I'm entitled to mine. Martin's show never saw the light of day and with his TV career stalling, went back to novels and in 1996, A Game of Thrones was published. Four novels have followed and in 2007, cable juggernaut HBO purchased the rights and here we are, a month away from the launch of season 4.
I've seen every episode of the show thus far and my lady has read all the books. While it has it's merits, interesting characters, shocking moments and whatnot, overall you know what? It's fucking Bullllshittttttt. Nothing happens. The entire show is based on who holds the throne and who will control the lands while centering on the death of Eddard Stark, head of the Stark Clan and ruler of Winterfell. But what has happened in 30 hours of programming? Has anybody taken revenge for Eddard? Hell no! Has the much mentioned battle for the throne happened? Yeah right! Stark's bastard son cries, gets sent to a wall, cries, escapes, cries, gets kidnapped by marauders, cries, escapes from them, cries some more. Stark's youngest daughter is all about taking revenge for her dad but when she's asked by Batman/Ninja like soldiers who she wants dead, does she name anyone responsible for her father's death? NO! Then they invite her to come train with them at Batman/Ninja school, you know, where she could learn how to 187 the fools who killed her father and tore her family apart...and she refuses so she can wander around the woods some more.
Another issue with the show is that there's so many God Damme characters in it whose storylines amount to diddly squat. Squat! Rob's one friend who takes Winterfell with 20 soldiers in 5 minutes then gets kidnapped by some random guy who cuts his deal off? Ok...Instead of actually moving forward in the Stark or Dragon Queen story line, we just get more characters, more subplots and more BS deaths that take things nowhere. Hey, what's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones? Twitter only allows 140 characters. Season 3 needed TWO full episodes just to catch you up on all of the frigging storylines taking place. When I ask if my issues have been resolved in the 5,000 pages of novel, I'm told the answer is no. So it's double bullshit. Sorry I'm not sorry The Flash could actually tell an enjoyable/exciting/funny/dramatic story in each episode with only a few lead characters and a handful of supporting players. Sorry I'm not sorry that they didn't try to lead the audience on waiting for a payoff that you know will either not be forthcoming or be worth the wait. But hey, people love to stand in line for 30 minutes for hot dogs and hamburgers yet talk down on McDonald's so I guess they deserve the circle jerking.